find me there.

http://sleeppeacefully.livejournal.com/

maybe im ready to heal. im ready to feel.

pretty rainbow on the kitchen table 730am in the morning.

you were once everything that mattered to me. it took me long enough to pick myself up and get ready to heal. the pain is still there, but im pretty much used to it already. heartache is not the only pain that is going through now. its only now that i mange to pull up all the courage to blog about all this shit.

everyday in class is a dread. i literally had to drag myself out of bed to go to school. maybe im not used to rp lifestyle yet. although this is my 2nd year already. blending in together with the crowd was never my forte. and now i struggling agn, but im glad that there are still a couple of peeps around that us there to support me.

i miss the peeps in e37g much. i miss walking into e37g everyday hearing the pple scream and laugh their heads off. they are the bunch of pple that is really there to brighten up your day. school is never the same without them.

i cant do this.

its really funny how life and fate plays with us humans. the 3 heart wrenching months that i had with you. i cant say that it is all bad, i had my share of love as well. but from the beginning it was never meant to be, i held on even on knowing that things might just end the way it is now. it was just a matter of who is gna do it first. and well i did. it took me long enough to feel the break up hangover. the pain was torturous. somebody help me let this go.

more than my own life.

my life has become more of a evil routine. school, work and home.

shit shit and more shit happening. things just falls one by one. idk what to do. fuck. yeah yeah i can already see how many pple out there will laugh their fucking head off when i fall. who gives a shit.

my social life seems to be coming to an end. time slipping away from my hands, the routine of drinking at least twice a week seems more like a mundane task now. i miss the heart to heart talks although even single one of us is drunk like some ass. the hungover the other day, was the only evidence that every single night we spend together is real.

school.

i miss the peeps in e37 so much even thou we are meeting everyday bfore, lunch and after sch. year 2 aint as easy as it seems. sch starts at 915 and yer i cant seem to wake up on time even with nicole calling me every morning. im still thinking whether i should get a place in nafa, rp still dont seem like a place for me. hmmmm maybe i should throw in my portfolio and see what the response is.

3rd.

school has started. why the fuck am i in dhhm!! i can tahan all the dress codes and all. but the contents of the module that im taking is freaking annoying. boring and dry shit. i cant wait to end this 15 weeks of extreme routine.

baby is the only person that made my day on the first day of school. drop by workplace after he came back from sailing. im dumbest asshole on earth. holding on to smth that i might never get a single shit out of it.

back to black.

back from the dearest e37g chalet.

for the photos theyre up everywhere on fb.

this is like so damnnnn prettyyyy righttttt.

teeth sinking into heart.

school.

time is forever passing so quickly. 2010 the final year of my teenage year, its scary to even think that im turning 19, the last of my teenage year and i will be of an legal adult soon. and year2 for poly life is starting in april. little did i expect i can even make it through a semester in year one, im in year 2 alr. damnnn. year2 is so gna be eggciting and boring at the same time.

my dearest baby love.

i guess afterall i made the right decision. being with you is like the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. i love you alot alot. no matter how you laugh at my height. no matter how you squeeze my ever chubby face. be safeeee.

till next time thennnn.

exhausted.

i will be back when all those work ends :D

and you said till death do us apart.

met jw for ytd after dont know how long. misses lots still. and yet there will be more of these shit coming. but it will be till death do us apart. ily(: please take good care of yourself. although i know i still dont totally own you yet.

off day.

cant wait for eclipse this coming june. its like absolutely love kay!

spent the morning with mum at chong pang. got her jade. re did my manicure. okay i know i just did my nails recently but my opi nail polist broke on me ytd and i had to literally wash and clean nail polish off my hands! damn damn damn. and i got a new pair of shades. hahahah. off day dont seem so bad after all.

till death do us apart.

waiting.

after 2 years, i finally felt the heartache once again. the piercing pain through my chest. it feels real. not the literal meaning but the least i know i still have a heart.

i dont know what i mean to you at all. sometimes do i even meant a single bit to you. jw, i love you i really do. im not ready to let you go yet. i dont know what to do anymore :/ please least tell me what to do. and like said i cant afford to let you go now.

contemplating.

this endless contemplation is giving me a real headache. sucks when i cant make up my mind. its just so not right.

meetups.

okay i forgot to take peektures again. anws, i meetup with NICOLE today! for lunch and shopping in town. and she is forever late. hahah. damn i dont know how im gna survive next sem man.

whatever it takes.

i will be right here waiting. no matter how long it takes and what it takes.

sealed.

the endless procrastination. i need to stop all of it alr. being wishy washy and all. theres no time to waste. this last youth year i have. spending it to the fullest would be the utmost thing i have to do for now.

im putting you on hold first. since im not first on your list. i dont see why i shld put you first on mine. i had enough of all the waiting.

fairyberry.

ive been spending more time with mum than usual. i guess its good. time to build up on the mother and daughter relationship. just painted her nails. more time set aside for marmiiiii :D

i cant fight anymore.

'the only exception' has been playing vigorously on replay for the pass few days on my playlist.addictive much.

makeup skills.

i think im like damn awesome. my make up skills are like superb. i woke up with damn swollen eyes. but with all the make up on, i pretty much look normal.

meet ranjini today after like dont know how long. hang out at fep. redid my manicure and shopped around.

last night was awfully long.

the tears never seem to want to stop at all.

please someone. take the pain away.

i'll not speak of love ever again.

i had more than enough of all the shit alr, the constant waiting for a person like me that doesnt have a single bit of patience. this aint working out at all, maybe i was wrong all the while. holding on to something that doesnt belong to me. the intruder of your life. making me fall into this pit less hole. inflicting the never ending pain on me. just when i thought i had everything on earth, i was wrong. VERY WRONG.

you never fail to put me in pain.

went out with couzy tday, headed down to 'quest for immortality' at singapore museum. and the best part is free! for students. got myself a pair of paul frank slippers like finally! happpeee. and its on sales okay! im learning to save moneh now.

yes the pain.

the pain you never fail to but me through. im weighing my grounds now. please dont disappoint me any further. im tired of the pain.

HAPPEEEE CNY.

3 public holidays flewwwww~ by just liddat. ohh well new year is still new yearrr nothing special about it. execpt for the fact that it falls on valentines day this year. oh whateverrrr~ baby is in camp so whatever okay. i spent the entire cny-valentine at grans nuaing.

kusu island.

went over to kusu island with mum and all tday. to pai pai. hahahah. awesome boat rides. vintage much.

OKAY FINE. IM HUNGRY AND TIRED NOW. TO BE CONTINUED.

i am nothing without you.

MY FIRST MONTH WITH YOU.

I LOVE YOU ALOT ALOT. ALTHOUGH YOURE THE MOST GUAILAN PERSON ON EARTH. I STILL LOVE YOUUUUUU.

MY BABY BOY JW :)

my sweetest love e37g.

i know right. the first picture is my face. i dont care. you people are gonna remember me for LIFE. because im the BEST. okay whatever.

this is the best class ive had for year1. the class that made me want to be in school everyday. and think twice about skipping school. every single moment with you people is damn awesomexzxzxzx. so for the next few pics is a few dedication to the ones i love. hahaha! please theyre not in any form of other and not everyone is included. im sorry. i dont have everyone's face in my lappy.

kelly-ann

hahhhaha. thanks for the lovely gossiping time. msn, twitter became so much more interesting. i thought i was mean enough but seems like youre beating me. HAHAHAH! omgggg. god, let there be a chance for us to be in the smae class next yearrrrrr.

farrah.

okay liverpool girl. omg i cant stand your live telecasting of the match on tweeter but i love you still much much kay! hahahahha.

LA MOMIEEEEEEE.

hahahaha. yes youre still damn guai lan okay! BUT least you never fail to make me laugh my ass off. you need more life than having GG in your life.

p.s GG meaning gaming and girls.

samuel ho kai yong.

yes yes. youre still the china man in class i dont care. hahaha! and geylang kia!

love you still. speak more chinese please.

lesdennnnn.

my gay boy. hahahah. love you much much. all the scandal thingy that you have to tolerate. hahah. and me hugging you like free one. dont worry you wont get killed for this!

chlowheee.

hahahah. please. dont. hug. me. anymore. you scary little thing, omg. i love you still. more shitting session please. E3 level 3 toliet will be our secret hide out kay! love you veryyyy much.

nicole cheryl soon.

yesyes limpeh love you alot. youre my best friend in class. i love you for all the times shared. the 'romantic' lunch time. gng late to school time. hahhaa. we will still meet and walk to school kay! and 'romantic' lunch sessionnnnnnnns.

i cant stop.

hi there my baby boy jianwen. i cant stop telling you how much i love you baby. youre the only one that can mange to wake me up in the middle of the night to talk to you. the only one i wont scream at for waking me up. for i just love you so much. hearing your voice is the sweetest music to my ears.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

youre the sweetest thing on earth. and i love ♥♥ you very very much.

lethargic.

this week has been more than lethargic. falling sick aint making things any way better. being bed ridden for an entire day, gave me an awesome backache. i need to stop coughing like a mad bitch. weird virus going around school, they should really close down the school to sanities the entire school for good.

boyfriend.

am missing him really damn badly. come on, baby, a phone call a day aint exactly enough. i miss you like damn damn badly. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE TUESDAY HAPPEN.

ILY((:

tsktsk. youre on night duty again.

BFF.

dinner over at thai express with bff. and it aint making my throat any better. damn . act smart lah. this is what you get louisa. now you can cough your ass off. but its cool meetng her again. er can like be in the same school but never bumping into each other. tsktsktsk.

sneeze sneeze cough cough.

down with real bad flu. fever shot up to 39.9 degrees in the morning. i was like some kind of a walking oven. damn damn damn..

despite the damn fever, i was on the phone with baby will like 1plus in the morning. im missing him damn badly can. tuesday pleaseeeeeeeee.

where art thou.

losing grip at this time aint the best of thing that should be happening.

the thrill of seeing the blood rush out.

seeing the blood clots form on my knuckles.

cleaning the blood off the blood when im finally sober.

at the very least i know all that had happen is true. but then again.

i really hope this was only a dream.

and that i would wake up to nothing.

the hope that you gave me.

and now totally thrashing me. who are you to even do this me.

trusting you.

was the greatest mistake. yes im 19 and constantly making stupid mistakes.

fucking ass teenager letting my emotions over take me and doing stupid things ending up with only me hurting myself even more. fuck this shit. and i thought you were different. i fucking got a judgement problem.

faith.

you took away that last bit of faith that ive got.

not only did you take away that little faith that ive left.

you left your dirty foot prints in me. the pain that never fail to flood me every now and then.

labels.

all the label that was there. i took it all,

silly enough to think that. all that i ever needed was love.

wrong. i was so wrong.

now that its all gone. i dont give a fuck anymore.

thanks.

for letting the emo kid in me come back.

this heart beats for you.

breathe for love tomorrow

cause theres no hope for today

breathe for love tomorrow

cause maybe theres another way

it makes me feel real. the constant ache of my heart.

at the very least i know everything is real. and that i own you.

for now at least.

with love.

im carrying the burden of being the third party.

but knowing me.

its clear that once i want something, i would go the way out to get it.

no matter what.

no matter what is there or who is there to oppose me.

i climb, i slip, i fall

into your empty hands

but i lay here all alone

sweating all your blood.

thank you for being in on my sins.

the pain is excruciating. the blame i put on myself. im dying.

i love you i really do. it has never been so real. although i know this aint gna be long. the one that owns you will soon be back. but i cant help but drown myself in your hugs and kisses. drowning myself in your love. everyday, do you have any idea how much i miss you, how much it sucks to check my phone and find out its not you? im not willing to give up anytime soon. ILY (:

ILY.

i dont know if doing the correct thing at all.

the very ghost of you.

the past is haunting. again. bfie is off on friday. finally. i cant wait to meet you love. perhaps this will be the one im looking for. my love. please dont let all this come to an end.

uniform fitting i in abit. hais. i love the course im in but i totally hate the fact that there are so many rules to abide to. fml. baby almost laughed to death when i told him im gna do culinary. i cant even cook a proper maggie mee.

dear mum.

the guilt is overwhelming. its literally killing me. stop being so nice to me. the nicer you are to me the more i dont know how to open my mouth and apologise to you.

i srry for all the shit ive done today. the pain that is killing me. please someone. stop this.

i believe in magic because my real life is a tragic.

i need more than faith this time round. i dont know how long more can i hold on.

brick by boring brick.

i just love how this video ends. who still believes in fairy tales now.

Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real

You can't hold it in your hand

You can't feel it with your heart

And I won't believe it

But if it's true

You can see it with your eyes

Or even in the dark

And that's where I want to be, yeah

sometimes i wish i had someone there for me spiritually. im emotionally damaged. please i just need someone there. spiritually. for me to talk to.

we're just kids in love.

OKAY FINE IM BACK TO BLOGSPOT. ONSUGAR IS GETTING PRETTY OVER-RATED. MAYBE I WILL COME BACK HERE FOR AWHILE.

the blogging vibe is long gone. idk what to blog about anymore. school started and life is turning into a constant routine. ya ya i have no life or whatever, im happy with this though.

ive been living in my own bubble long enough. but this bubble that im living in allows of people to enter and leave. within a month, theres too much changes. im taking a last shot with you. its the last please make it a good one. i have to say this one is good. hearing your voice early in the morning is the best way to start a day. the way you wake me up and the way you whine when i give you the sleepy voice. its with you that i feel difference. even the way you laugh at my height 185 compare to 158 for once it feels good being short. even if we know, this will end up badly, lets just make the process a good one. ILY((: